this is (not) about me
looking back on that night,
she remembers exactly what she wore -
gray skinny jeans and the black bowling shirt
she got from a thrift store.
a ladybug was sewn on its sleeve,
she could only assume for luck.
if only it could have protected her
from what was about to come..
about a year ago before this,
she was told this awful truth -
“a boy is looking for only one thing
when he invites you into his room.”
but that night, she played ignorant,
which only aroused him more.
he must have thought she was teasing
or simply mistaken her for a whore.
but when he put his arm around her,
she shrugged it right back off.
so he smiled before he grabbed her,
and right away things got rough.
she was fifty feet underwater,
striving to reach the surface.
she was screaming without a voice,
as all her “no”s held no purpose.
as the second hand ticked hours,
the wrestling brought them to the floor,
where she finally pushed him off her,
only for him to pin her down once more.
this time she lay there motionless,
while a tear or two swelled her eye.
finally realizing her reality,
she decided she’d rather die.
an eternity later, he released her
just as a master unchains his slave,
and she stumbled to gather her clothing -
the only things left to save.
yes, this is a true story
about a girl i knew quite well
as an unlucky kid at nineteen
who had been through a glimpse of hell.
she still avows that night never changed her,
though i know such denial is a lie,
for she no longer finds value in sex
and sleeps around with meaningless guys.
to her, no man is worth trusting
and even less is his motive.
so she lives a life of defense,
like a gun that’s fully loaded.
i hope one day she’ll move on
and tear down the walls she’s laid with cement.
i hope one day she’ll realize
she’s not broken, but merely bent.
my hope is one day she’ll find someone
who is kind and honest and genuine
that will show her the truth behind love,
if she’ll just find the strength to let him in.
so to the females, please take care of yourselves
and be wise with your decisions.
and to the men, please act not with your dick, but your heart
and have some respect for women.